Faith & Reason

I have fought, tooth and nail, against submitting to Jesus. Who wants to be one of those pious fools, one of those mindless drones who’ve turned themselves completely over to Christ, while giving up their complete personality… or so I’ve thought.

At first, I wanted to come to Christianity because it “felt like” the right thing to do. I emotionally wanted to believe in Jesus.

Plus, I was in a bad situation. At the time, I made a deal with God. I told him I’d believe in him if he got me out of the jam. Sounds a little silly, right? My prayer presupposed he existed… but my recognition of his existence depended on what he did for me.

And even more humorous, I was acting as if I was in a position to grant a performance bonus.

Regardless, God came through for me, for whatever reason; to think I’d bound the almighty with a bargain is arrogance and ignorance on a supreme level. Or perhaps it is child-like naivety.
Either way, I was going to keep up my end of the deal.

So I started my Christian journey. Only I quickly discovered I was in for a whole s***load more than I imagined.

You see, God doesn’t want you just part of the way. When he takes you on, he takes the whole package. He wants all of you.

And if you permit it, that’s exactly what he’ll get. Christianity is pretty much an all-or-nothing deal.
He will either make you into a holy person, or not have much to do with you spiritually. It’s kind of an either/or.

Which is why I’ve struggled for the last few years on submitting myself. I did not want to give up control, to change my personality, to become some wishy-washy do-gooder.

Well, I’m happy to report, the more control I give up, the closer I get to Christ, and the better my life gets. I have had to give up many aspects of whom I was… but that has turned out well. Because those “aspects” are parts of me I don’t miss.

My fear was for nothing. It’s like Jesus says — you must give up your life to gain it.

And so, have I now fully embraced becoming the person Christ wants me to be?

No, I still cling to much of what I fear letting go… vestiges of personality I feel create my identity. But given the encouragement I have gotten as a result of surrendering more of my life to God, I have found incentive to accelerate myself along this path.

It’s the strangest thing… by giving up parts of myself, I have actually discovered myself. I smile at the irony…

Because I am becoming more authentically who I really am… dropping the fronts that we put on to each other, and ourselves.

Even more ironic, this is what the humanistic psychologists call “authenticity.”

The book I credit with helping me walk this path is “Mere Christianity,” by C.S. Lewis. If you haven’t read it yet, please do so. I’m willing to bet it will pay you handsome returns.